Note: This article originally appeared in Callings, our Province vocations newsletter.

When working at its best, celibacy is a unique, powerful way of loving, serving, and finding union with God and neighbor and a profound path to wholeness, holiness, singleness of heart, unfettered service, extravagant loving, joy, and personal friendship with Christ. Invariably a discussion of the celibate way of loving leads to a contrast with the more ordinary way of loving which occurs in marriage.

First, let me state the obvious: both ways of loving are from God and therefore good. Marriage is a sacrament in the Church, as is ordination. Both involve vows. So the question is not which is "better" but rather to which way of loving does God personally call each of us. Whereas married love is a very particular commitment to one person and one family, celibate love -- grounded in a profound experience of God's grace permeating our hearts and souls that forces our love to explode without limit to all God's people -- dares to be more expansive.

The power of God's grace and a passionate love of Christ can impel some to forgo raising a family in order to serve Christ's people without limit. It's hard to imagine Christ saying to a wife and children, "I'm sorry, but I must be about my Father's business, so I'm going to have to neglect you now." Christ's commitment to his mission from his Father implied a celibate commitment to serve God and neighbor without constraints. Regrettably, we all know some couples whose marriages are in distress and whose children suffer along with the parents. Marriage at its worst can lead to much hurt and unhappiness. On the other hand, celibacy at its worst can lead to an emotionally restricted, self-absorbed, bachelor or spinster life.

But when celibacy works -- and fortunately in most cases it does -- what marvels it can give life to! I can think of many wonderful celibate lovers whose love for others is so personal, joyful, and nurturing that it's heart-warming to experience their unconditional, whole-hearted loving presence.

While I could cite many such people, the most profound personal example for me was my novice director, provincial, retreat director, mentor-in-Jesuit-life, and true spiritual father, Fr. Joe Sheehan, SJ (RIP). A big, strapping, gentle man, Fr. Joe delighted in everyone he was with. He exuded personal warmth, love, and care. Whenever I saw him, his booming, jovial voice would call out my name with affection. He saw me as a good Jesuit, priest, man, and his spiritual son. I grew in the warmth of his love and affection through which I developed more fully as a man and a Jesuit. Despite the fact that he knew my imperfections and even my sins, he loved me totally as I am. And that is a wonderful feeling.

He touched other people's lives in a similar way and became my personal image of God the Father's unconditional, total love for each of His sons and daughters. I keep a picture of Fr. Joe in my room and my office to remind me of his and God's love for me and also to remind me that I am called to love others in the same way.

Fr. Joe was a powerful celibate lover who loved many people very personally, had many spiritual sons and daughters, and whose personal closeness to God radiated in his joy of life. Joe was a great example of the saying that "joy is the echo of God's presence in our lives." I pray every day that God's presence in my life will empower me to be half the caring, celibate lover Fr. Joe was.

Of course, as in any form of committed love, there are sacrifices and some inevitable suffering involved in celibate loving. Married people make tremendous sacrifices and can suffer much for their children and spouses. But when a marriage works according to God's plan, the rewards are so great that the sacrifices seem worth it. Similarly, when a celibate commitment to love in religious life works according to God's plan, the "hundredfold" reward promised by Jesus in the gospels (Mt. 19:29, Mk. 10:29-30, Lk. 18:29-30) makes the sacrifices seem eminently meaningful and worthwhile. We experience a loving life lived in faith and joy.

Personal prayer, the Eucharist, community, and celibate friendship are very important to living celibacy well. Prayer and the Eucharist ground the celibate's life in union with God and give daily life deeper meaning. Religious community offers the celibate lover a context of brotherhood or sisterhood with soulmates who share the same commitment, faith, vision, communal spirituality, and mission. Contrary to what the dominant culture would have us think, we don't need sex. However, we all do need intimacy, and celibate friendship is a bulwark of celibate living. While the celibate lover forgoes a particular life-long companion and sexual partner, intimate friendships that are non-exclusive and non-genital greatly enrich the celibate's life. In turn the celibate enriches the lives of others. Celibacy is a powerful, joyful way of loving and witnessing God's presence in the world.